Hatchet Jack Needs Some Help.

jeremiahjohnson004sk7The official lookin fellas that come up here on the mountain the other day says Hatchet Jack needs some “verification” as they said as to why he is here else they are gonna remove me. That got Hatchet Jack to start to wonder why the hell he IS here anyways? And it reminded Hatchet Jack of the couple weeks he spent in a school back east when he was just known as, “Jack.”

@IamTalkyTina mentioned something similar when she was up here last. She says, “Jack, you is are a cold hearted man,”
I says to her, “I know Tina, I am frozen. Solid.”

Tina says to me, “You know HJ, you gotta do something with yer life. You can’t just sit here. Ya need something like a badge, you know like a sheriff, or ya gotta get back to school and become something.”

I said, “Jeez Tina, I can’t even move, how am I gonna do that?”

Well, needless to say, she was speechless. Which is rare for Tina. She did say, “Hi, my name is Talky Tina. Do you want to be my friend?” But she says that a lot.

But Jack is asking fer some help. I need some documentation about Jack that I can share with them official looking fellas. Something that says Jack is worthwhile and knows what he is a doin. Anybody got some of that they wanna share?

You Are Always Sunny to Me!

Hatchet Jack says that while he has had some difference with that gal Talky Tina, he also says that she is his only friend. And a friend is a friend Jack says.

And clearly that gal gots some issues. Being small is hard. Being frozed to death is harder still. So Hatchet Jack says he understands.

When she comes a walking up the hill to visit me and she casts her wiles upon me, I always says she is a ray of sunshine on this lonely mountain. A beautiful display of flowers. I don’t see her so dark, and I don’t see her as small. She is always sunny to me.

talkytina

Hatchet Jack’s Early Years with White Top Tom

Hatchet Jack says that Hatchet Jack has discovered a couple items from Hatchet Jack’s youth. The photo was found under the leather insole of his boot last night when the sole itself had worn to the point it was ahurtin his foot. So talking off his boot, he sees this paper. Below is the photograph taken in 1976 when Jack was 15. Jack is seen here on the right with his fellow mountain man White Top Tom.

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Hatchet Jack on the right and White Top Tom circa 1976

This photograph represents one of Jack’s initial forays into the wilderness. In this case Jack was headed into the Yosemite valley and Lake Merced for a few days. You can see by the fancy leather vest that Jack was keen on his gear. Also worth noting is Jack’s first bear knife as seen in the image below. You can see it strapped to Jack’s right leg in the image above. Jack never saw a bear, but if he did he was ready to kill to hairy beast.

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Hatchet Jack’s knife what was never used to kill a bear.

Hatchet Jack says you best not be laughing at Hatchet Jack. He still has that rusty knife along with some memories. And he knows how to use them.

The Ballad of Hatchet Jack and Talky Tina

Wimmin will make a man do amany things. Even sing. tina-and-jack-redux

Hatchet Jack says this whole thing with Miss Talky Tina has b gottn jus a bit outta hand. With them darn books getting in the way. Colt Wyoming?  Who ever hear a such a name  Well we was up at the chalet as she like to call it, playing some Ro Sham Bo or somethin when after her losing fer a bit, she starts saying kinda mean things. She wernt like that afore. She started wigglin and jumping and leaping around like she was on fire. Must be what this was all about?

So I asked her to hi-tail it offn the mountain and leave me be. Thats when it overtook me. The song jus creapt up ontop of me like that dang bear what kilt me. And I hadda let it out. I calls it Tha Ballad of ol Hatchet Jack and Talky Tina. I scribd the words down too. I am bearn my soul here, so don laugh.

Ballad of ol Hatchet Jack and Talky Tina

cold blue and ice
feeling so alonesome
and the trees what surrounds me
well, I guess they have a grownsome

sittin here looking
fer a long lonely six years
and there is dagger icicles
where there should be some tears

but along comes a lady
what nearly moved me
but I still sit here
jus like a tree

She said, “My name is Talky Tina, and I love you very much
My name is Talky Tina, and I love you very much
My name is Talky Tina, and I love you very much
My name is Talky Tina, and I love you very much

Well she had some issues with long conversations
that was ok, cuz I had them too
sittin on the mountain, snow covered all year
Hatchet Jack one day said, Talky Tina, I love you.”

She said, My name is Talky Tina, and you’d better be nice to me
My name is Talky Tina, and you’d better be nice to me
My name is Talky Tina, and you’d better be nice to me
My name is Talky Tina, and you’d better be nice to me

We played RoShamBo and she used the Spock
but I had advantage cuz I was always a rock
I won and I won and one day she said
in words that dripped out of her mouth, blood stained and red

She said, “My name is Talky Tina, and I don’t think I like you
My name is Talky Tina, and I don’t think I like you
My name is Talky Tina, and I don’t think I like you
My name is Talky Tina, and I don’t think I like you

cold blue and ice
feeling so alonesome
and the trees what surrounds me
well, I guess they have a grownsome

sittin here looking
fer long lonely six years
and there is dagger icicles
where there should be some tears

but along comes a lady
what nearly moved me
but I still sit here
jus like a tree

My Recollection of ol’ Colt Wyoming

I seen that varmin Colt Wyoming up in the Utes, Colorado way. That man was always full of whiskey and lead. He been shot so many times. Mostly by women now that I think on it.

You know, I seen this Talky Tina gal has some insights into books and what not. Well, I don’t read much, but I can tell you a bit about that fella Colt.

See Colt like the women. Lots of them. And what he liked even more than that was groups of them. And what that man liked even more than groups of wimmin, was groups of wimmin and men. Strangest part of the thing is that he usually just liked t watch the stuff what happened.

I ain’t saying what he was doin was wrong, I’m just telling ya like I seen it and heard it. There were times when Colt and twenty other wimmin and men was a going at it in the bar. I ain’t kiddin. Sometimes Colt would just be standing there watching, like he was going to write a book about the whole thing. I guess it turns out he did.

Now Bushnell Falls is important cuz that is where he got hisself into a bit of a rustle. See Colt never much settled on one gal. But there was this one lady who took a real shine to Colt and jus wouldn’t let up. Colt finally had had enough of her naggin and he took her out to the Falls. Colt was gonna drown her and be rid of her. The story goes that Colt got a little nervous after seein some riders up on the ridge above the falls. Before he could drown her, she delt him a kick to his privates. I guess he wasn’t the same after. I mean, you know, with wimmin and all. That set on a fella like him real hard.

So that is what I know about ol Colt Wyoming. I guess he was just watching so he could write a book someday.

bushnellfalls